Broken
by senyd
Summary: You were not supposed to see her face again. Even her smile had become inaccessible. You still hear the warmth in her words, the vulnerability in her voice. But it wasn't real. Deep down, you knew she was dead... until she came back in your life three years later. Now, you have the possibility to make up lost time but will you be brave enough to confess your feeling ? EMISON story!
1. Under your gravity

**Hello guys, it's been a while I was thinking about write an Emison story, and then, here I am :) This story begins the night when Emily find out that Alison is still alive – not in the same way than in the show. It took some time but I hope you will enjoy it as much as I've liked write this. Keep in mind that I'm not English – French, in fact – and I'm pretty sure you will find mistakes in my text but I've tried my best. You can tell me if you found one and I will fix this as soon as possible. ****That's all, just tell me if you like it!**

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_Chapiter 1_

_Under your gravity_

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You were not supposed to see her face or her smile again. Or anything belonging to her, as a matter of fact. This look, sometimes hard, but so sweet at those hours when nobody listens, had become inaccessible. You still heard the warmth in her words, the vulnerability in her voice. But it was not real. You had the proof days after days, when you saw all those people trying to replace her at school.

Without knowing that she was irreplaceable.

Yes, maybe they carried her smile, but none of them found value for you.

You've been waiting for her. For a long time. Maybe months, years. Nobody knew better than you when was the last time someone saw her. Every second separating her from you was engraved in your memory, and you counted them as prisoners count bars of their cells.

But one day, people around you decreed that all of this had to come to an end. The hope. It was necessary to turn the page, and then you made it. This broken heart gave her love to someone else. Several times. It never lasted too long. Their presence, all the attention of the world, was not enough to fill this hole in your life. They would never have been able to.

Because all this time, through them, it was her that you looked for.

You don't really know when you stopped believing in it. Lie to yourself. To be honest, you never really stopped hanging on to those memories, no matter what it may cost you.

In front of your friends, your family, you claimed to get of it. They wanted an image of a strong girl. So, be it. That's what you gave them.

But the reality was quite different.

She shared your dreams for a long time, walking when the sun raised, at this same hour when sun's rays lighted up her blond hair, with soft glare. And you kept one of her T-shirt. You knew it was bad, that it just feds your sorrow, but it was stronger than you: too hard to move on.

Sometimes, you smelt her smell. This, at least, the time had not got through it. Somehow, you felt close to her. So much memory was bound to it. Beautiful memories.

The problem with the happiness, it's when we suffer, we feel suddenly angry against them. Nothing matters anymore, including this fragile happiness which satisfied you so far. What's the point of keeping all those photos, those letters, those videos which won't get her back?

Alison disappeared and if Emily couldn't believe it yet, this bitter taste that she lets on her lips, was the proof

Yes, Alison DiLaurentis was supposed to stay forever her night's ghost.

"Emily?"

… so, how explain that this ghost was that real?

The swimmer blinked one moment. A familiar voice got her back to reality. Emily looked away, a blond girl was staring at her with attention.

"Emily" she repeated with a soft voice, although the brunette perceived her anxiety, even anguish. "You are wounded" noticed Alison, fear growing a little more in her look.

Emily wanted to answer something but her friend came near, and so close, her will weaken. Only a look from Alison was enough to make her lose control over her words.

"I… No" stuttered the swimmer awkwardly, but her voice went out so low that she hardly heard it.

Her behavior seemed to magnify Alison's anxiety. Emily knew that she shouldn't have felt that, yet the idea that the blond worried about her, was unexpected and it warmed her heart.

"It wasn't a question" whispered Alison while she held her glaze. "We have to take care of this shoulder ". The blond pointed out her arm. A trickle of blood had stained her shirt, and it's precisely at this moment that Emily realized the wound on her skin.

The blue freeze glow inside her friend's eyes, was fascinating, so much that it numbed the pain. The brunette felt falling under her gravity, as we fall in love.

"Where can I find something to heal you?"

Emily remained silent. To be exact, Alison was not certain that the girl perceived her presence by her side. Guessing that her friend was in a state of shock, the blonde had a look around the house in search of disinfectant. Since she disappeared, the place hadn't changed a lot, except some decorations added meanwhile. Taking again the familiar way to the bathroom makes DiLaurentis' child homesick. How many sleepless nights and laugh had she shared here?

But it became something of the past, now.

Even the best things come to an end, and her end begun with 'A'. Does it mean that happiness never last?

Alison pushed the door in front of her and opened instinctively the cupboard under the bowl.

_Here you are _

"I found some disinfectant " announced Alison at the other side of the corridor, proud to be useful, even in a tiny way.

And the teenager turned back to the hall. When this one came again into the kitchen, she found Emily in the same position she left her. The precision was almost frightening, even her members hadn't moved. As if time had stopped suddenly. Somehow, something in Emily's face convicted the blond that she was close to the truth.

Alison pull up carefully the sleeve of her shirt and cleaned the wound until all bloods' drops have disappeared.

The girl put a bandage over her skin and the brunette jumped. She looked down.

_Come on Emily, deep down you know that it's only a figment of your imagination, your dreams take over. But… it's so real._

Alison came closer and, for a short moment, her perfume found a way to her. The same smell as on the T-shirt she kept of her friend. Emily was addicted to it.

_I'm going to wake up soon. _

A breeze got shiver the swimmer and Alison put her jacket against her shoulders, with a protective movement.

_This is all my fault_, thought the blonde, guiltily.

She shouldn't have come back to Rosewood. Everybody considered her dead for years, and it was better in that way. The last time she hears from 'A' was month ago. After three years of escape and loneliness, Alison had considered possible her blackmailer finally gave up. What a stupid hope! How did she have been able to imagine for one second 'A' would stop so easily and she could return to her old life? Instead of that, he attacked Alison by surprise while she secretly came back home. Emily came to help her without knowing that she would make a shaking discovery. She wasn't died. The girl she cried for years was not died. Alison felt her heart sank realizing she hurt her friend. If it had been possible, the blonde would have stayed by her side forever. Trust her, she wanted it so bad. But it was impossible. Not if Emily had to be to be the target of 'A' because of her selfish wishes. However, Alison noticed with regret that she failed in her mission. Her friend was actually hurt, no matter what she did to protect her. The Dilaurentis' child pulled down the sleeve of Emily's shirt.

_It takes longer that it used to, but I'am going to wake up. It's certain_, thought Emily.

Alison questioned her with wondering eyes, as she tried desperately to read her thoughts.

_All you see is not real. Avoid believing in it or you are going to suffer._

The blond put a hand on hers. Her heart missed a beating.

_I can feel it. I feel her hand as I felt my own heart stopping. How it's possible? I am going crazy?_

Could she loose her mind without being aware of it? The idea frightened her so much that she brutally took a step back.

"Hey, everything is fine Em?" Asked the blonde, seeing Emily's face become suddenly pale.

"So, it's true?"

It was the first words Emily had been able to say. Alison frowned, confused.

"I miss you so much that I'm going crazy, isn't it?" whispered Emily with a trembling voice, still shaken.

Alison smiled a little. Emily was so lovely when she was lost. However, her smile became darker when she understood that the brunette thought sincerely all her words.

"I know that it's hard to believe it after three years of disappearance, but I'm here. It's me, Emily"

She shook her head, as she couldn't admit it.

"No, it can't be you" answered the swimmer, repressing a sob.

"But yet this is the truth. I am back." Assured Alison, moved too.

"I'm going to wake up! I'm going to wake up in a few seconds in my bed. Yes, and… "

"Please, look at me Emily." begged Alison, as she forced her to focus on her face. "What you have in front of eyes is real. It's not your imagination anymore, I promise."

"It can't be possible" said the first one firmly, with tears in her eyes.

"Why" just asked the blond, torn inside seeing that this denial's war, was destroying Emily.

"Because this girl… this girl …"

Alison began to cry too. She loved her so much. It was hard to see her suffering.

"… Died many years ago." concluded the swimmer and her words broke before the end.

There is a quiet moment, just after the storm, when the silence finally comes back. You turn your head and the only thing you can do is see the damages.

No sound can cross your lips.

All you take for granted is now just ruins and you have to rebuild all of this again.

Then, slowly, Alison sealed the gap beetween her and Emily and put a soft kiss on her lips. This kiss was infinitely sincere and as warming as a hot chocolate in the middle of winter.

Alison took a step back.

"Does it sound wrong? Do you really think you can make up this feeling?"

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Hope you've liked this one-shot. Feel free to leave a review I'm so looking forward to read them :)


	2. After the rain

**Hi :) I was pleasantly surprised to see that I received lot of review for the one-shot. So, first of all, thank you so much. You're amazing. I hope it's going to continue and you will enjoy this ... one turning into two shots. Translating French into English took me something like an hour. My text is long, I know it will not be perfect but I've tried by best, as always.**

**Enjoy!**

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_Chapter 2_

_After the rain_

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**~ Three years ago ~**

Alison sighed. For ten minutes, her look was staring at the window, captivated by the show of rainy droplets falling again against the window. The thunderstorm lasted for more than one hour and didn't seem to weaken, otherwise get worse. The girl looked up. New dark clouds formed on the horizon and were not considered a good omen.

For a moment, an intense silence settled down, Alison hoped secretly that winds were about to change and this rainy evening was going to come to an end.

A flash of lightning struck the sky.

_I take back what I've said. It's not ready to stop._

A pressure against her arm interrupted Alison's thoughts. The girl turned her head. Emily Fields was sitting by side, apparently fascinated by the movie on television. At the beginning of the week, the four friends had planned to spend her Saturday evening together. Unfortunately, Spencer had to cancel because of a tennis tournament, as for Aria, the recent series of offences committed by his brother obliged her to keep an eye on him. At least, this time. Finally, Alison and Emily had ended up alone for evening. As usual, the two teenagers had fought for the choice of the movie but Alison had given up. To be honest, Emily practiced unfair competition. How can resist when she dropped her eyes like a lost puppy dog? Unsurprisingly, the swimmer had opted for the inescapable "Tell me something that never die ", her favorite movie.

"Jess" whispered a feminine voice on the screen, staring intently a man. Her subtly azure look, looked just as Alison's one.

At this moment, Emily strengthened the pressure against her arm once again. Alison smiles in spite of herself. She knew her friend loved particularly this scene.

"I love this scene so much" blew Emily, without diverting her look of the movie.

Alison rolled her eyes. Like she said …

"I'm not sure it's a good idea" as the actress got back the conservation while 'Jess' was hanging on her lips.

This one pulled away a lock of her hair and moved back slowly. The man sat on his seat and began to stare the horizon, his hands put against the wheel of the car.

"Listen, you know how much I care about you Jess, but… "

"But ?" He cut her before the end.

The woman hanged her head, unable to find her words. Emily felt her heart pounded. She might have looked this scene for the hundreds times, but the swimmer always felt shivers.

Jess stared at the woman with an unspeakable intensity. Finally, he smiles sadly and says:

"After everything that's happened lately, everything we've been through: you can admit it, you know."

She frowned in a ways nearly imperceptible.

"What you was about to tell me, you can admit it." He specified in a broken voice.

"And what should I confess?" She asked shyly.

The teenager inspired deeply and took his courage in both hands.

"I'm sincerely sorry. Please believe me, I love you… "

Emily felt her heart pounded once again.

"…But not in this way"

The silence fell again, stifling and destructive. The words resounded and Emily murmured them, thought of them. At this moment, the swimmer felt a part of her slowly breaking. She turned her head to Alison, without even understand the reason. The adolescence got for answer the indifference of her friend, chewing her popcorns with a nonchalance pretty comic. Emily couldn't help smiling.

The actor let his look linger one moment before opening the car door and going out of the vehicle. His silhouette went away, grabbed by the darkness. The woman called him back.

"Jess" She shouted by the window. The man turned around and moved closer.

" We could make a deal."

" A deal? " repeated the boy amused, nevertheless, through his look we can read a chaste sadness.

" When will come the prom, if your feelings for me hasn't changed, then maybe… "

The woman hanged suddenly her head and held her azure look. There was a rising hope between us.

" Then maybe we could end the kiss we begun? " She said shyly.

He smiled.

"Cliché" noticed Alison between two bites of popcorn.

Emily stare at her masked his amusement.

" What, it's true. Just try a little to scream in the middle of the night in Rosewood. I'll tell you, it's not your prince charming you will hear but your neighbors' insults! "

Emily shook the head, amused by her humor. She returned her attention on the movie.

"I can wait" announced the man confidently, a brilliant light in eyes. " I can wait for you " he repeated with deep voice and mastered.

"Clich…"

"Alison! Let me listen, please. I can't hear a word" the swimmer blamed her.

" Don't tell me that you seriously like this kind of sentimental movie"

"I find that cute" Emily defended herself.

"Completely useless" corrected the first one.

" I like what is cute "

" Actually, you like what is useless "

" Alison! "

"Okay, Okay, I get it! I'll shut up" the blond resigned with a small pout. She swallowed another bite of popcorn whereas the images continued to scroll on the screen.

"Wait for me?" answered immediately the woman. " You say that now but in two days, ten girls will come knock on your door and you will forget me. "

"They have no chance. There is always something wrong"

"Really?" wondered the first one. "So, what it is?" she questioned curious while she started the engine.

"They aren't you" concluded Jess.

_Cliché_

Alison was thinking those words when she felt the weight of Emily's look put on her. The blond crossed her arms against her breast.

"I didn't even open my mouth" said Alison upset, throwing her hands up.

"But you thought it so hardly, it's the same"

"Not at all!"

The brunette displayed an expression which clearly meant her doubts. The Dilaurentis' child sighed. She wasn't good to hide her feeling.

Emily cracked a smile. Alison could be so adorable. She looked like a little child being caught.

"I don't care. I can read your thoughts too anyway. "

"You are as close to read my thoughts as I am to get a higher result than you in biology."

"You don't have biology this year, Emily."

"Exactly"

"OK, and do you have an idea of what I'm thinking right now?" She had insisted on the last words.

"Of course" she met the challenge.

Emily lingered over the face and pretended to think intensely.

"Go to hell? "

A player spark shone through the look of Alison. The blond stare an imaginary point behind her shoulder and finally said.

"She is pretty good, isn't she?"

The brunette pretended to be upset and gave her an affectionate nudge in the shoulder. At this moment, a flash of lightning burst outside and the screen of the television became suddenly black. Soon, a power cutoff succeeded and both girls were plunged into darkness.

"Great! That's what I needed." Emily sighed. "What do we do now?"

"Maybe have you an interesting suggestion on the subject ?" said the blond with an excessively sensual voice, in her ears.

"Yes" answered Emily in the same tone.

She turned around and brutally stepped on her feet.

"Ouch! That was my shoe, Emily! "shouted Alison, taking her kicks in her hands.

"Oops, guess I wasn't paying attention. You know with this power cutoff and"

"Am I dreaming or you just kidding me?"

"Just a little" admitted the swimmer by showing a small gap between her thumb and forefinger. "Do you have a lamp? " She changed suddenly the subject.

Alison shook her head before remembering that her friend could not perceive her movement through the shadow.

"Nope" she answered.

The swimmer took out the phone of her Jean and increased the brightness.

"That will do for the moment» said Emily, as she was going down the stairs. She went to the circuit breaker, followed by Alison. The teenager opened the cupboard and began to turn the switches. No improvement.

"So, how are we going to watch the end of the movie?"

"It's true, how are we going to do that? I think the best thing to do is to postpone. It's too bad, it was so fascinating" said Alison ironically.

"I wonder why I've asked you to watch a movie with me."

"After this evening, it's obvious: you have dreadful tastes regarding movie and you needed someone to raise the level"

"Sure. I wonder what would I do without you, Alison."

"Guess you would look for me "

Emily rolled her eyes. Her friend was leaned against the wall and was lighting up with her phone she took in a hand. She held a pen in the other one. The brunette was writing on a notebook. The swimmer frowned.

"Seriously? We are in the dark for ten minutes but that does not seem to worry you. What are you doing exactly? "asked Emily as she was looking her taking notes.

"I make list of cliché" answered naturally Alison. "Did you knew that according to the youth literature, statistically, it's the moment when we are the most susceptible to fall on the handsome boy of the high school? Let's suppose you meet Edward Cullen tomorrow in your biology class? What will you do? "

"I lend him my book so he can understand the class" risked Emily.

" No! You read this list Em! You read this list. Listen: my heart is perfect because you are inside. Or, I fell in love with you as we fall asleep: slowly, then profoundly. Also: you are my end and my beginning. Even when I lose, I'm… What? I can't read what I've written right there. "

"I'm winning?"

"Yes, that's it. How you knew? "

"I don't know? Maybe because there are the lyrics of All of me?"

"I knew that it reminded me something"

"That's all?"

"Nope."

Alison turned the page and read out loud:

"Your father is a thief, he stole all the stars of the sky to put them in your eyes. And also: I think of you once a day and every thought lasts twenty-four hours. Think to buy some butter. Don't forget tomatoes"

"tomatoes?" repeated Emily, rising an eyebrow.

"Shit, that's was the shopping list. To sum up, you recite him all the sentences of the notebook - except the shopping list - and you finish as Romeo and Juliette."

"You've never read Romeo and Juliette, right? "

"No, why "

" Because otherwise, you would know that they both die at the end Ali. "

"You know what? Forget Romeo and Juliette. "

Emily smiled. The swimmer took an eye on the circuit breaker, once again. In the light, she noticed that one of the switches was always pull down. The teenager tightened her arm. She can't get it.

"Can you carry me on your shoulders? I think the problem comes from this one"

She pointed out the switch.

Alison agreed and lifted Emily. The girl hardly touched the lever and she pulled on it with all her might. Finally, the light came back but the swimmer fell, so as Alison.

Emily raised her head. She had fallen against Alison.

"Nothing is broken?" asked for the brunette with a worried look to her friend, on the ground.

No answer. Alison seemed unconscious.

"You're kidding me, right? Ali? " murmured the swimmer by shaking her. "Wake up! "

The blond opened eyes suddenly. Emily breathed of relief.

"You frightened me! Tell me something. "

Alison looked into Emily's eyes, without saying a word. She could never get tired of hers. It's like a perpetual constellation of star.

"Tell me something, please " repeated Emily, always worries.

"Cliché?" said suddenly Alison.

Both laughed. Without warning, the blonde tightened the hand against Emily's back and pulled away a lock of her hair, tenderly. Her smile became darker, her face was serious.

"This evening with you was amazing."

"I thought that you had hated this chick flick"

"And If was lying all this time. And if, deep down, I actually liked that? "

Alison slowly moved her lips closer to Emily's one.

"Would that be a such terrible thing? "

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**~ Present day ~**

Emily pushed the door of her room. Alison was standing motionless, in front of the window. Outside, the thunderstorm broke out and the rain was stronger than ever.

"I brought you a blanket, Ali" murmured shyly the brunette.

Ali…

Saying her nickname again gave her a chill.

The blond kept silent, still staring the horizon without even give her a look.

Emily opened the mouth but changed her mind at the last moment. The girl hesitated to impose her presence again. There are some moments when, sometimes, your friend seemed so vulnerable and lost in her thoughts, that came this strange duty to make sure that nothing can disturb her. The swimmer moved closer and stopped behind her. Emily looked the rain falling.

"It was raining this night. Do you remember? "

The blond shook her head. How would she have been able to forget?

"All this time, I hung onto this memory of you. I remember everything. The way you laugh, your voice, your eyes. Everything. Even this green cap you wore. "

Alison raised her eyes. Emily could have sworn her friend had blushed.

"It's the only thing that got me through "

Her friend closed her eyelids a moment. She has waited so long to hear her say those words that Alison could hardly believe it.

She smiled. But this smile there so ached and sad that Emily felt her heart sank. She couldn't bear the think of Alison suffering. The swimmer would do anything to cure her sorrow.

Without thinking, Emily took her hand. Alison stared at her before taking a step back.

"Don't do this" begged the blond with a weak voice.

"Why not?"

"I just come home. I… I'm not sure to be ready "

"But you kissed me, isn't it? "

"It was a mistake"

Emily holds her breath. Alison's words had hurt her so deeply that as she was unable to say a word.

"Just for practice, right? "

She wanted to hold back her tears but she couldn't. The swimmer turned around, Alison caught her arm.

"It wasn't just practice, Emily. It never did"

"But that's what you told me"

"You know, sometimes people say stupid things just because they don't know how to deal with their feelings."

"So… you have feelings for me?" asked Emily, shyly.

Alison looked her straight in the eyes.

"How can you still doubt about it?"

The blond hanged her head.

"I made mistakes. I regret having played with your feelings, and hurt you. I would like to forget, put the past behind and pretend I'm not this girl who broke your heart anymore. But it's not as simple. Even I could sincerely change what I am deep down, and there is nothing that I desire more in the world, It wouldn't work. I'm not a good person, Emily. "

Alison stay silence for a moment. The girl closed her eyelids and inspired deeply. Speaking seemed to be a real test.

"The truth is I don't deserve you, Emily"

The blond gave a last look to her friend. One meter. That was the exact distance that separated them, nevertheless, their heart seemed ten feet off the ground.

Alison kissed tenderly Emily on the forehead and something in the way she did it, sound as a goodbye.

Finally, she left the room.

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**What do you think of this chapter? Thank you for reading it. Please, if you liked it leave me a review. There are all important even If you are a 'guest', and encouraged me a lot. (Yes, I like write story but like read your review too, I promise!). In short, I look forward to reading all of them.**


	3. That's when I could finally breathe

_Hello guys :)_

_I finished this "supposed" one-shot a while ago - which turn into a "two one-shot" because I receive a lot of request. I wasn't thinking about continuing it, I must admit, but since lots of you guys are still asking me to do it by MP after one year, I think I will try my best ! I'm not so sure where i'm going though..._

_Since I haven't update in a while, I will sum up it quickly: Alison was going back secretly in Rosewood when she was attack by -A. Emily saved her but she didn't know at the moment that she will come face to face with the girl she cried for years. Now Alison is here, but it doesn't mean that it's easy. She is convinced that she need to set free Emily, disappear __for good because there is no way she deserves her..._

_Song's inspiration : Clean - Taylor Swift_

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_Chapter 3_

That's when I could finally breathe

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Everything is more difficult to see through the glass. If eighteen years had learnt her something, then it was that. And here was Emily, standing behind the living room window, watching Alison leave her again, helplessly. This same window, as broken as her heart, every time she saw her father leave on a military mission. This window, from where the girl had been watching for hours the spectacle of the city, its magic, the bright colored Christmas lights, white, red, golden, the smell of pine and the crowd - vast cluster of ants without goal - a successful society where she didn't belong. The screen of the television, always this window, which broadcast non-stop the perfect life of person whose the swimmer didn't know the name, while hers was drown into destruction and chaos.

Normally, Emily avoided thinking about that and tried to keep those thoughts under control. But this night was different. The feelings were overwhelming.

The brunette had already lost Alison one time. Seeing her crossing the door, leaving in the exact same way that her friend had done before, Emily suddenly felt like she has throwing several years ago, at the beginning of the drama. She didn't want to go through that pain again. She couldn't.

There were limits to what her heart can withstand before it breaks completely. Such as the glass.

"Ali!"

The swimmer wanted to scream but her voice brook instead, so low that it seemed barely a whisper.

"Please, don't go. Don't leave me" she begged.

Alison froze, perfectly back to her friend. The rain was pouring down the already slippery pavement, so hard it almost seemed to bounce. The blonde breathed deeply, trying by all means not to turn around, not faltering for Emily, remain strong, because her mermaid deserved better.

Alison needed to set her free.

When the blonde found finally the strength to leave, she heard a loud noise in her back, covering the storm. Alison turned around. She had promised not to, but she couldn't help it.

Emily had fallen to her knees, on the floor. She was not crying, she did not speak, Alison could not even tell if she was breathing or living. Her eyes were extinguished, as if suddenly something had just sucked all their energy.

Maybe it was the view of her, collapsed on the floor, so fragile, so broken, and Alison, the only thing that could end her pain. Perhaps, their old friendship. Or just the rain. But anyway, the blonde felt her will weaken at this moment.

She couldn't leave. Not like this, with the vision of Emily so vulnerable, emotionally dead hundreds times, just in front of her eyes.

Alison came closer and knelt down softly.

The gaze's swimmer was dark, so dark that it seemed not leaving enough space for feeling. It was like looking through an opaque glass. The desperation was obvious, so much that for a moment the DiLaurentis' child had the feeling of returning right back to the old days when she was missing Emily every minute, every second, to the point that she had seriously considered the possibility of ending her life. And now, she was going though all the phases of her own pain.

At this idea, Alison felt her heart sink painfully in his chest.

"Em," she called silently.

She had murmured, in a soft and delicate voice, seeing that the previous sensation was verified. Emily remained motionless on the ground, without reaction, the rain soaking her already wet brown locks. Alison closed the distance between them, but kept a reasonable space. The blonde was fully aware of this heavy bubble where they were trap, almost oppressive, and she didn't want to take the risk of breaking it by an abrupt or inappropriate gesture.

Emily had always been her remedy. Her rock in the middle of the storm.

Today she had to be her savior.

"I can't go through that again. I can't go through that. I just can't "Emily said under her breath, panicked.

"Emily, look at me." asked Alison, but the swimmer didn't seem to hear. She kept constantly repeating the same words all over again.

The blonde put a hand against her shoulder, but Emily did not react. Alison didn't know at this point whether her friend even felt her presence. It seemed that the thin space between them had suddenly turned into a gigantic wall. She looked so distant. Shattered.

"Emily, I'm not gonna leave you. I'll stay right here. I promise".

The blonde came nearer to be certain that Emily was able to see her, her face, her features desiring one thing: help her. The DiLaurentis' child strengthened the weight of her cool hand on her shoulder, hoping to cause a reaction, anything that will make her reconnect with reality. But even that was not enough to make her shiver.

" Will you look at me, Em ? Look at me, please. I'm here. I'm right here. Please. I'm begging you ", she sobbed this time.

Alison felt her heart skip a beat when he saw finally the eyes of the swimmer meet hers again, in the same way than by the past, with an unspeakable intensity. So close, the blonde could distinctly see the scope of the damage. Emily still looked like an angel.

A broken one.

Alison bit her lip. It was so difficult to see her suffering.

"Em, tell me what you need. I will do anything to make you feel better. I- I can not see you like th-at. It- It destroys me."

A new raindrop dipped Emily's locks. Instinctively, Alison raised a hand to put it behind her ear but remembered a little too late that it wasn't appropriate. She tried to withdraw but Emily stopped her.

The Swimmer crossed her icy-blue eyes again, but it was different. This time, Emily seemed to see her. Finally.

"Will you hold me, please? " she asked with a glimmer of hope.

Alison nodded silently then closed her arms around her waist, and something in the way she did it, told her that she will never let go. And while the rain came pouring down, drowning everything in its path, that was when Emily could finally breathe.

She gave one more glance in the rear-view mirror of the car in front of her. The reflection of Alison was dancing through it. Then the swimmer knew.

Everything is more difficult to see through a glass.

_Everything, except her._

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_I hope you have liked it :) If you're here and have just a minute, please don't hesitate to leave a review it makes my day. We all say that, but yet it's the truth. You are amazing, see you for the next chapter :)_

_PS: Be kind. I'm french, I've tried my best on the translation but I might have made lot of mistakes, i'm sorry about that._


	4. I think I am too

_Hello guys :)_

_I greatly appreciate all the review I've received about the last chapter. You are the best. So obviously, we all know that France is an Emison thing and since I'm french I thought it could be fun to write something about that. _I hope you will liked the idea :)

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_Chapter 4_

I think I am too

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Red and black. Alison was particularly familiar with these two colors. The first one reminded her pain, misery and what's like to be torn inside, while the second symbolized the mourning. She let her eyes linger on Emily's leather jacket, and for a moment, the blonde wished she could just see two darks shades. Because that is what normal people thought about. They will never understand this feeling, the meaning behind this.

In some way, it made her damaged.

Alison hated that. Being weak.

She shared a glance with Emily. Her clothes were soaked, so much that the sweater she was wearing seemed almost fall under the weight of the water he was filled.

The Swimmer looked at her since the blond handed her a towel, but she remained motionless. Alison's face and her eyes, those beautiful icy-blue eyes into where she drowned so many times when she was younger, were watching her anxiously. Alison, the girl though dead, the girl she had cried for nights, was standing right here just a few miles away from her. Even if that vision seemed very real, Emily couldn't believe it. The brunette wanted to take her so badly in her arms, but she was so afraid to realize that all of this was only her imagination.

Alison stared at her with wandering eyes, trying desperately to read her thoughts.

"Em, your clothes are soaked." said the blond, worried.

She paused.

"Are you cold?"

The Swimmer tried to speak but the words were lost in his throat, so she nodded instead. Alison put her own jacket on the shoulder, to keep her warm.

Emily was shaking but was so mesmerized by the blond that the detail stayed unnoticed. Instead, she watched her friend gently sponge the tiny raindrops that had clumped together on her forehead. Emily had never seen before an icy-blue eyes so tortured, and if for most people this pain wasn't nice to look at, with Alison, there was a kind of perfection in that, almost subtle, and she didn't know why but the swimmer liked the idea of being the only person to perceive it clearly. She could see every second the inside war playing into those eyes. After an endless hesitation, her face seemed to soften. Alison replaced the towel in her hand and stroked her cheek tenderly.

Emily closed her eyes. Her movements were gentle, and above all, she felt loved.

Suddenly, her brain came right to reality. Was it real or all of this was just an hallucination?

Emily took a step back. Alison noticed her change in behavior.

" Em? What's wrong?" She worried.

Emily wanted to cry. She hated the idea that life damaged her so badly, she was not even able to make a difference between what is true and false anymore.

" When... when you disappeared, I had a hard time to managed things. I kept seeing you. At school, in the street, at the mall. Everywhere." she admitted. "My mother finally forced me to see a doctor. He said that I was sick. I missed you so much that sometimes… my brain showed me what I wanted to see. But it's not real. The last time we had an appointment,the doctor asked me to..."

She caught her breath and avoided Alison's eyes

"…He asked me to be brave and push you away."

Emily seemed close to tears and that vision was enough for Alison to do the same. God, she looked so lost in that moment that this was painful.

"Em, look at me."

She held her gaze to force the brunette to meet hers.

"It's real. I promise you it is."

"How could I know! I'm not even sure how I'm supposed to feel or think anymore!"

Alison jumped at the sound of her voice. Emily's words were filled with a sudden anger that didn't looked like her, but it only lasted a brief moment before her eyes became empty once again.

"Do you trust me?" asked quietly the blond when the silence finally came back.

Emily did not answer but nodded.

"Then I want you to listen carefully. You and me, we will make a deal. Every time you are not sure this is real, I want you to take my hand. If I hold yours twice, you'll know it's true. Okay ? "

"Okay" repeated the swimmer, so low that she hardly heard the sound of her own voice.

"Good. Now you need to rest."

Alison pulled Emily against her to lay the swimmer down on the bed but the brunette stopped her.

"I don't want to sleep."

"Please, Em. Do this for me."

Emily wanted to say no, but she felt her will weaken and her heart skipped a beat when he saw Alison's beautiful icy-blue, begging her to. Eventually she gave up and let her body relax into her arms.

Unconsciously, the blond was tracing abstract shapes on her forearm. Emily was focused on the gold bracelet that Alison was wearing in order to avoid all that was going on in her mind. Behind the back of the chain, swimmer noticed that some letters were engraved

"Une personne vous manque, soudain le monde semble vide et vous êtes dépaysés"

She frowned. Emily tried to understand the meaning of it, but it was not in English and she did not recognize the language.

Alison must have read her thoughts since she answered to her unspoken question.

"It's French" she said.

Emily slid a finger over the gold letters.

"One year ago, I met this girl. She was very nice and helped me when I had barely enough to pay something to eat. But with 'A' after me, I couldn't stay in a same town very long. Before leaving, she gave me this bracelet. I carved the letters later though. "

Alison turned her head in her direction. Emily still looked broken, but her gaze seemed brighter now.

"It means: You miss someone, suddenly the whole world seems empty and you are d-"

The blonde paused for a moment before continuing.

"Dépaysé" she completed. "I'm not sure there is a translation for that. It's typically a French word. Have you ever heard it before ?"

"No" The brunette answered shyly.

"Okay. I'll try to explain. In French_ pays_ means _country_. So basically, _dépaysé_ means _outside the country_ "

Alison's hand was doing soothing back and forth on the swimmer's arm. Emily remained silent. She thought for a moment, and then asked:

"Therfore, when we travel abroad. We are _dépaysé _?"

Alison smiled. Emily's French accent was clumsy, almost innocent, she found it cute.

"No" she answered. "It's not a question of place. You can be a thousand miles away from where you live and not feel _dépaysé_ if you are surrounded by the right people. It's all about how you feel. _Dépaysé_ means that you feel lost, without any grounding or people you care the most. All those little things that make you feel like home. "

The blonde stopped talking. Emily's eyes were staring at hers with an unspeakable intensity, a vulnerability and the same love than one year ago. Her weakness. Her eternal weakness. But if it made Alison weak, fine, she agreed to be for Emily. She could agree to anything for her.

"Ali" Emily whispered.

The blond gave her a look.

"I think I'm _dépaysé_ without you."

Alison smiled. She shook her hands in Emily's one.

"I think am too."

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_**Thank you guys for reading. Please, leave a review if you have a minute. It means the world.**_

_**PS : Sorry for any mistakes, I've tried my best but English is not my first language.**_


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